Humans are like ants by nature…
Field Note 002
Humans are like ants by nature. Well, really, we are like many aspects of nature.
Fingerprints look like the inside rings of a tree.
Vines reaching for the nearest branch resemble kinky hair.
When we look closely, we can see the synchronicities of life.
But let’s go back to the ant sentiment. We really are like ants! They function as a superorganism, meaning the colony operates almost like one larger organism rather than as a collection of completely independent ants.
During the summer, ants have a field day in my garden. When we get heavy rains, colonies relocate during a flood. I end up stepping in their freshly made new home and get attacked by the angry mob. I detest wearing anything but proper shoes in the garden, so I suffer the extreme consequences of every misstep.
Every time I go through another ant bite healing process, I wonder how they are able to build colonies without language.
But they do communicate. Just like us.
Ants communicate with pheromones and emit chemicals that help mark their paths. They don’t necessarily need to make noise to communicate.
They rely on other means of communication as they work towards a collective goal.
This reminds me a lot about the conversations I have with my clients about relationships. As time and research unfold, we continue to develop language for more of our experiences and feelings. We finally have language for our inner and mental world, which also allows us to feel connected with our history and people around us.
But there’s a lost art in non-verbal communication.
Understanding others when words aren’t said. Being able to see someone without them having to say a word. Simply feeling them.
This level of attunement requires a level of stillness that is slipping through our fingers. The ability to sit and notice what the person isn’t saying.
I say we are like ants because we can communicate without words. Honestly, being able to communicate without words requires footwork toward emotional intimacy to get to the point where your partner (platonic, familial, or romantic) doesn’t have to speak. Meaning there is a necessary learning curve to knowing your loved one, which takes verbal communication.
When lovers are willing and open to see, hear, and feel each other, our body begins to relax. Deepening into a sense of belonging that we all crave, and what ants achieve so easily.
When I am feeling overwhelmed with life, I find myself saying “I wish I was an ant.” Yes, it's a way of expressing a need to escape. But underneath that, there’s a desire to be understood.
I wonder— well, I know my clients feel the same way too. They may not pray to be an ant like me, but we all desire to eventually just be seen and comforted without needing to explain it in the moment.
Here are subtle ways to improve emotional attunement:
Opening your arms to receive a hug – It says “I want comfort”
Sitting closely with someone as they cry – It says “I mourn with you”
Raising your eyebrow when someone is expressing excitement – it says “I am interested”
Open posture and relaxed arms – It says “you’re invited”
Additionally, here are some questions you can ask your loved ones to improve emotional attunement:
When you are going through a hard time, do you prefer space to process, or do you want someone close by?
What is the most helpful thing a friend or partner has done for you when you were stressed?
Is there anything I do right now that makes you feel seen or appreciated?
How did your family or past partners handle hard moments, and what did you dislike or appreciate about it?
When was a time recently that you felt truly cared for by someone? What did they do?
As a therapist who works with grief, trauma, and loss, these are the questions that tend to come up in session. Usually, after feeling alone in their feelings while in the thick of it, their emotions.
Who can you ask at least 2 of these questions to?
Maybe it will have you and your loved ones creating colonies together.
